Just to clear a few things up...

1. I am not a Mexican. I am not from Mexico. My nationality is American, and my heritage is Hispanic. My mother's side of the family are Spaniards, and my father's side of the family are Yaqui and Pima Indians. Nevermind the Irish, Arabic, and Asian descent mixed in there as well.

2. My last name is Diaz, and is pronounced how it sounds for your convenience. DEE-az. It is spelled that way instead of Días so you don't feel the need to go out of your way to try and be worldly when trying to pronounce it "properly". It is not DIE-as, DIE-az or DEE-ass - it's just good old plain-sounding DEE-az. I promise.

3. I do not speak "Mexican".

4. I was not innately wired with the ability to speak fluent Spanish by default - I know as much as you do if you've taken Spanish as a foreign language in high school and college for several years.

5. I do not own a sombrero, I do not like tequila, I am not Catholic, I did not have a Quinceañera, I never had a piñata at any of my past birthdays, I am probably not related to any other Diaz you happened to pass by in the store, I know how to cook "Mexican food" as well as the next average Joe, I don't like the Raiders, my dad is not a gardener, my mother is not a maid and my sister is not pregnant with her 3rd child.

6. If you ask me a question, and I don't understand you the first time around, DO NOT ASK ME THE QUESTION AGAIN IN SPANISH. I said "Pardon me?" and not "¿Qué?"

7. Do not call me a spic, wetback or beaner and expect me to laugh.

I'm perfectly fine with making jokes about my heritage 95% of the time - hell, I usually initiate and laugh at them. There comes a point, though, when people just really take things too far and it gets on my damned nerves. Honestly, if you're not friends with me and know nothing about me, keep your mouth shut instead of opening it and making ridiculous assumptions based on my looks or last name.

I certainly don't make assumptions about you.